So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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