Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I wish there were birth control emojis
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
