i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You work out of a Hotel?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
