You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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