Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
