Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
