She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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