96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
