soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
