yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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