You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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