I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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