I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
