So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
