Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
