whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize