what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
smell my finger.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
