I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
