You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
