Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You are the jesus of drinking
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
