Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
