Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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