By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
