Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
