I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
