Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
