i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
