Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I AM VODKA MAN
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
