Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
