I have demons in me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
