I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
