wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
my poor anus
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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