from now on my penis is your penis
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she pinky promised me she was 18
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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