he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
