and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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