You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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