So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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