i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
