Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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