I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
