new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky š
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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