So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
