hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
