I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
