I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
