Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
