Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
