she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
