Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
