I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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