my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
