So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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