Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
even my farts smell like vagina
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
