Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
