Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's blow job season.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
