420 ftw
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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