all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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