I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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