Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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