Buhtt sex?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
