i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
