Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
