How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
