Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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