the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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