Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
