ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
