We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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