Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
