I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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