The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
