not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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