you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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