I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
