So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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