it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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