I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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