ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
