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this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
