Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
