well you can't waste a boner
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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