she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
