he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
