My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
