i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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