Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
