i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
