Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
