First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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