shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
