Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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