nut hugger
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
