there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
