I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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