the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
