I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
