I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
