The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
