:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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