So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I understand Curling. That high.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
