Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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