DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
