I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
