i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
