problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
