he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
try to milk me bitch
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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