maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
