I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
