yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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