i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
