I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
