I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
