I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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