I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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