even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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