i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
